Why Am I So Scared?

At first, I was totally happy. I scored a ticket to see my bias group, B.A.P., in Washington DC this May. Anyone who got tickets for DC (and maybe the other places) knows how insane it was for those tickets. Everything is planned out for my stay in DC. But…

I’m seriously scared to go. I’m afraid of what B.A.P. will think about me because I’m an African-American fan. I’m constantly bullied (physically and verbally) by a Korean girl at my school because I’m not Korean. She told me that they’ll think I’m ugly. My friend told me that I have nothing to worry about but I can’t help it. I have self-esteem problems. I know that B.A.P. has nothing against my race and I’m still going but… I wish that I wasn’t freaking out so much.

s!b: I probably sound like an idiot for thinking this way…

DEJAVU

Just last month, I started feeling something weird (it’s not something pervy)

Baekhyun is one of my biases written on my list (I have lots of biases). Well because aside from being an EXOtic, I easily fell for vocals. I just love the way he sings. But as days go by, my feels started to get deeper until last month where in I realized that I think I’ve become weird or something.

Since last month, there is something inside me that is very inexplicable I consider Baekhyun now as my ultimate bias or should I say my ONLY bias. Every time I see his videos and pictures, I don’t know why but seeing him makes me so happy and afterwards I’ll end up crying. Every night before I go to sleep, I’d look at his pictures (I even zoom them that’s why I’ve seen the tiniest details on his face) then I’ll start crying again, SERIOUSLY. I don’t know why but it feels like we had something in the past (though I do not really believe about reincarnation), then what’s really weird is that there is this certain image in my head that would always pop out (I don’t imagine about it, it just pops out and then it’s something like dejavu) The scene that automatically pops out my head every time I look at Baekhyun’s picture goes like this:

Baekhyun and I running under the Cherry blossoms and then he’ll caress my face and then it stops there. (after that, I’ll end up crying under my sheets until I feel slumber’s calling me)..

I don’t know why but it feels like DEJAVU. Even during the middle of the day, I’ll see this vision again that makes me feel sad again. Then recently, I read a fact that Baekhyun would like to bring his significant other under the cherry blossoms…Oh gosh, that fact struck me.

And then I tried looking at compatibility using zodiac signs, I know Baekhyun’s Taurus and I am Virgo and I’ve learned that Taurus(man)—Virgo(woman) relationship is the best. I also searched for Life Path numbers (each person has life path numbers, just google it coz it will need lots of explaining..sorry) my life path number is 7 and Baekhyun’s 5 and I learned that this is the best relationship ever…this struck me again.

Okay, maybe you’ll think I am delusional, silly, stupid, ridiculous and a babo..but I don’t know why I am feeling Dejavu whenever I see Baekhyun, idk, I feel like we are lovers in the past but then we were separated by time (sorry if that sounds silly, please bare with me). I just pray that I’ll be able to meet him, that would be fine. I will also not mind if Baekhyun falls in love with someone, if he’s happy, then I’m happy with that. :”) I love Baekhyun. Is it unfathomable? tbh, idk, but i think yes. 

This is a secret that I have been carrying for a month already, I can’t tell anybody even my family and friends coz they’ll think I am crazy, good thing I found Kpop secrets to share this, I just need to let this out. (Sorry if it’s so long)

My brother an ex YG trainee.

When the YG audition was held in the US, my brother decided to audition, since he has a good voice and is a great popping dancer. He was accepted along with  with 3 other good talents, and had to move to Korea to begin his training.

He was a trainee for a good 2 years and a half but he had just dropped recently for so many reasons. 
YG is not the nicest company he said. They bash and bash and bash you then expect for you to do good. 
And by what he told us Yang Hyun Suk is very mean. He tells his trainee that if they’re not capable of doing anything perfect the door is very near for you. 

And he also calls his trainees who don’t dance well pigs and fat. 

I asked him if there were any rumours or secrets  about the idols company and he said that every rumour trainees whisper were either true or some kind of true, they weren’t “fake” or “false” 

*This is from my brother’s past trainee days, I nor does he know if it’s 100% true*

2NE1:
Dara is so nice she usually comes and greets the trainees and to cheer them up, he says that she’s not thinking of dating anyone so don’t expect a wedding for her anytime soon. 
Yang Hyun Suk is delaying 2NE1’s comeback on purpose, he says the more they’re late the more views they’d gain on their new comeback. 
CL may seem nice, but she actually is not. When the trainees greet her she doesn’t even smile she ignores them and go. Her face is glued on the cellphone, my brother says that he hears from the girl trainees that she’s dating someone but don’t know who.
Bom is an attention seeker, whenever something is highlighted on her she does anything to keep it going. She is nice though and very funny. 
Minzy’s parents tell her to stop doing the butt shaking since it’s bringing shame to her parents.

Big Bang: 
He never met any members of big bang except for Seungri. 
Seungri loves to flirt with girls. When he goes to see how the girl trainees are doing he praises them for their slim bodies or long hair. And the sex scandal was not true he wan’t in Japan whe it was reported. 
Daesung is really close to Girls Generation’s Yuri, he texts her everyday, and she’s the number one girl on his list for partying bit they keep it as a secret.
G-Dragon can’t stay a month without dating,  Japanese women turn him on. He thinks of himself as the money maker of Big Bang. Without him BB would be nowhere. Sex is his favourite meal on breakfast. 
Taeyang is forced to do those ugly hairdos. Yang Hyun Suk always says he’s an african american so he must act like one.
TOP is a cry baby, he is also very lonely. He was on depression pills before. He thinks he has no friends so he preferred to stay alone. His parents don’t call him. They say he’s taken away with fame so why would they call a son who’s famous. Daesung always keeps him enlightened that people want them and he gives him a good laugh. 
If Big Bang were not the money makers of YG they’d be disband a lot of years ago. They were going to disband  before the Tonight era.

Lee Hi: 
Yang Hyun Suk is just happy Lee Hi is doing better than 15&. He hates Park Jin Young. And does everything to wipe out his success. 
And he’s telling Lee Hi not to be bubbly and laughing a lot because he thinks it’s really bad for her reputation and singing career. So he’s forcing her on another personlity so different from hers.

That’s all he told me. 

Haters

A friend of mine got mad about haters bashing on a group we both love and so I checked out some Anti K-pop fan pages in facebook and found this conversation between a kpop fan and an admin.

(Note: Posting the most important part only)

Fan: “…If these people hate Kpop, let them be. I am a Kpop fan myself but I don’t waste my time bashing people because they have different opinion. Grow up, Kpop fans…”

Admin:  ”…I really try not to be a hater, I mean I really tried, but the fact of matter is that, they want you to understand them, while they dont want to understand you in the first place, and always tend to spam kpop down your throat, people don’t like it when other people spam things people are not interested in, and I guess that is how most kpop fans tend to be lately, i mean kpop had its good times and mature fans in late 90s to early 00s, though lately kpop has become really image thing…”

***

Now all I want to say is that they’re right. K-pop fans need to learn how to be mature and not go gaga over people who are working to share their talents to the world then be their knights in shining armors that defends them even when not needed. I mean, yeah, they are all beautiful and talented and just plain adorable but there is no need to bash on anyone who thinks differently and force it to them or even insult them just because they have a different opinion. I have friends who don’t  like K-pop and we’re cool with that. I don’t hate on them for having a different opinion. They do their own thing and I do mine. What’s really disappointing as a kpop fan is that there are fans who are SO NARROW-MINDED that they can’t take A SIMPLE OPINION. 

Not liking them is different with hating them. If they say that they don’t like them, it only means they have a different taste. No need to fight about it because when you do, that’s when they start to HATE. Our narrow-mindedness only adds fuel to a freaking SPARK.

K-POP FANS: LET’S JUST MIND OUR OWN BUSINESS AND LET OTHERS BE. WHAT GOOD WILL IT BE IF WE WASTE OUR TIME TRYING TO CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE? IT’LL ONLY MAKE THEM HATE US, ALL OF US including those who are quiet about it, AND K-POP WORSE. SO PLEASE, JUST STOP AND TRY TO BE MATURE ABOUT IT.

s!b: Just like what I said, there are still immature people all over the world.

THIS IS AN ANONYMOUS POST

My sister is a Kpoper since early 2012. I’m actually into other type of music, but I like Kpop, and I have my “favourite” group, Infinite. At first I was not really interested on koreans, asians, their music, culture, etc. I love dancing, and Kpop songs have amazing choreographies, so I got very interested on idols, groups, and stuff. Why I’m here? Well, my secret is that I have an “imaginary” life. I imagine myself on a girlgroup (Which name is Girl’s Day, yeap, I stole it hahahaha), with other 4 members. On my head, we debuted on 2012 under Woollim Entertainment, and we became one of the most amazing girlgroups. My nickname is Kat, and my role is “the main dancer”. I feel stupid because of this fake life that I want, because I even interview myself, I dance alone in my room, and I imagine who would be my favourite oppa, unnie, etc. NO ONE knows about this, only you. 

I always write the things that I think about the girlgroup, my personality, our songs, debut times, and etc. If someone wants to know, maybe I would post it someday. Sorry for my english! 

PD: I feel even more stupid right now.

If Seventeen debuts any time in the next five years with so many children in the group, I am going to stop supporting Pledis altogether (even though After School is one of my favorite girl groups). I realize this isn’t really going to put a dent in their income or anything, but I just couldn’t think of myself as a decent person if I just acted like it’s fine.

Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure the kids’ birth years range from ‘95-‘02. For the ‘95 kid(s?), I still think it’s a little early for them to debuting but that’s not my real problem with this group. My problem is that there is an eleven year old boy who’s supposed to be in the group.

And I just know some people are going to say “Well BoA debuted at 13!” Fair enough. If I was into kpop at that time I would’ve been against that too, but she seems to have turned out fine. At least, she hasn’t had any sort of mental breakdown as far as I’m aware. But that isn’t even really a relevant argument. I mean, there is a huge difference in the maturity level (physically and mentally) of a thirteen year old girl and an eleven year old boy. That and two wrongs don’t make a right.

You know who else debuted in the entertainment industry before reaching puberty? Michael Jackson. Lindsay Lohan. So many more that I’ll omit for the sake of trying to keep this from venturing into TL;DR territory. (Too late?) The most messed-up stars are the ones who first became known to the public at a young age. (Not trying to put down any of these stars; I don’t think any of them were/are bad people, but I really don’t think that you could argue that they were/are in a good place mentally.)

Sure, Korea’s probably less likely to fuck up kids than Hollywood, but it can still happen. Do you really believe it’s perfectly fine for an eleven year old boy to be put into this industry? To have to work himself to exhaustion on a daily basis, to have his privacy invaded by so-called fans, to be exposed to drugs and alcohol by the much-older people he’ll be surrounded by? Not to mention that putting him in the public eye seems like bait for legitimate pedophiles. (Not you “pedonoonas” who call yourselves that jokingly when you talk about Zelo or one of the other teenage idols being attractive, I mean actual grown-ass adults who get their jollies by sexualizing children.)

If anyone’s going to say, “well, his parents are fine with it, so it’s not a problem,” just… don’t. Sadly, parents don’t always have their children’s best interests in mind. Maybe they want to have a wealthy, famous son. Maybe they just want to support his dream. Who knows.

I doubt this is something he’s against. Heck, if I was close to realizing my dream at the age of eleven, I’d be pretty damn thrilled. But again, he’s eleven. How many of you were capable of making good decisions that would effect you for the rest of your life at that age? I’m turning 20 this year and I can barely decide if I want to change my major or not, pick what career I want to strive toward, and so on. At age eleven? Forget about it.

This is just an all-around bad idea and I really hope more people realize this. I am legitimately scared for this kid. I’m not a hater or anything, I say all this because I’m worried about his well-being.

s!b The group already has fans and I don’t want to deal with them trying to justify this. You simply can’t.

I stan you!

It’s really common to see fans going “OMG I stan (inserts bias or group’s name)!!!!”

I’m sorry but do you actually know what stan means?

Stan = Stalker + Fan.

It seriously pisses me off to see fans use this word so loosely and sometimes even without knowing the true meaning of it.

s!b just wanna vent my frustrations

Sometimes I think that some SM artists don’t get along with each other

I don’t know…I was talking about this with my friend and she agrees with me. I’ve always thought that some members of SM groups aren’t completely happy, since *in my opinion* SMent pressure them to be “perfect”. And also because maybe they aren’t happy with the rest of the group they’re in…For example:

Onew and Jonghyun: I’m not a hardcore Shawol, but in almost every video I watched from them, I felt like they’re not exactly “best friends”…I feel like they don’t really like each other very much.

Sungmin and Yesung: there’s this little story about them being awkward, some people say it’s past, but I still don’t think they get along. It’s rare to see interaction between them…

SNSD members: I think that from all the groups, SNSD is the one that has more members awkward with each other. Like Sunny and Jessica. In my opinion, Jessica isn’t Sunny’s biggest fan. Some SONEs will obviously disagree, but I feel like SNSD in “real life” is separated in little groups. And there’s also Hyoyeon and Taeyeon, and Tiffany and Seohyun.

Baekhyun and D.O: Maybe it’s a “main vocal thing”, like Onew and Jonghyun. Rarely see them interacting. idk…I don’t think they dislike each other, they’re just not that close.

I hate how SM ignores some idols.

There’s always an underrated member. 

Ryeowook should be given more attention, he’s damn talented! Kangin is another member that should be loved a bit more. 

Lay from EXO, in my opinion, is very underrated. If he’s the main dancer, why isn’t he in the front more often? And his voice is beautiful, they should give him more lines. 

I don’t want Yookyung back.

I don’t want Yookyung back. I didn’t want to say this, but since Yookyung’s father urged the ‘fans’ to help, this matter has been eating me away. Every time I think it over in hopes I’ll change my mind, I only solidify my belief that there is not a single redeeming quality that she could offer to the group.

Firstly, she’s ugly, or at least ‘ugly’ by kpop-standards (Namjoo is also considered below-average, but she can sing AND she has a personality fit for variety.) Normally I wouldn’t really care about looks, except APink is a group that builds itself a lot around IMAGE. They’re supposed to be the “fairy-idols,” the “pretty girls.” Yookyung is already referred to as the ugly one in APink, and if she stays in the group till they solidify themselves and become successful, I guarantee you nasty rumors about her appearance would only increase. In that sense, her leaving the group would lift APink’s dead weight and Yookyung wouldn’t need to tolerate such bullying. It’s a win-win situation.

Secondly, she can’t sing, or at least sing well enough to be considered useful. Yes, she’s the 5th best vocal, but she’s only barely average. Eunji’s a bomb, Bomi and Namjoo are great leads and Chorong is well rounded over-all - they don’t need Yookyung’s help in keeping a tune. Naeun is worse than Yookyung, but she has her job to bring in fans as a visual and an actress, which definitely makes her useful to the group. As for Hayoung, although imho she can barely hold a note to save her life, she has the looks, wit, and popularity with uncle fans Yookyung will never, which again, makes her useful.

Thirdly, I have a problem with Yookyung’s personality. You see, this is how I see APink’s dynamics: Chorong/Eunji/Bomi derp squad + Namjoo/Hayoung maknae line + Shy Naeun who gets along with both sides of the spectrum. And from this you’d THINK Yookyungs’ quiet persona would do as well as Naeuns’, and yet in all variety I feel she’s that extra member who blends into the background. Yookyung isn’t funny like Bomi, or outgoing like Eunji, or childishly-evil like Chorong, or energetic like Namjoo, or smart like Hayoung, or adorably-shy like Naeun. Yookyung is rational and silent, and even though the rest of the girls seem to like her, I can never see her more than “Naeun’s sidekick.” 

Concluding, I just don’t want Yookyung back because aside from her semi-fluent English skills, she has nothing to offer the group. I always saw her as an extra and her leaving made me a little calmer about APink’s uncertain future. I only hope that when all is settled and A Cube adds a new member, they will add someone more useful. And as for her rich father, although I am strongly disappointed in the uncivil manner with which the company kicked her out, I feel he isn’t reading the situation right. He asks the help of the fans to put Yookyung back into the group, but can you imagine how awkward it will be? Better sue the company and send your daughter on some expensive study-abroad program, rather than shove her back into the idol-world where no one really wants her…

s!b: I call myself a devoted Pink Panda, and I really am - I write posts to defend the girls, I write fanfic, I follow them daily, I love their music, personalities, etc. People on tumblr generally know me as the go-to Pink Panda for information, and they naturally expect me to rage and put up the red flag over Yookyung’s departure.