I’m emotionally and physically hurt.
Music is all I look up. I don’t think that’s a lot.
I love kpop, but I think it just brings my self esteem down, and hurts me even more.
I mean, SURE , those female idols are really skinny, but its better than being overweight. And the only reason they are skinny is because they eat small amounts, but they dance and sing to lose all those calories, so of course they won’t gain weight. Not to mention that they go through hard schedules.
And then I look at myself, and realize what a fail I am.
I’m younger than them, and I know age is nothing, but I’m overweight. I’m quite tall. If I had to compare, I would be about SNSD Yoona’s height — I’m actually her height.
But the problem? I weigh lots and lots more than her. Okay, no problem, right? NO. Its a huge problem for me.
I see these skinny idols who (some) are fit, and they are being praised for their body. For a teenage girl, this is a shock.
I try to lose weight. But when others lose 10 pounds, compared to them, I lose only 2-3 pounds.
I lost 15 pounds in 3 months. I exercised every single day , ran 3 miles everyday, ate small proportions, and etc. I was happy.
But then KPOP would come into my life.
For a girl who has a dream of becoming a KPOP singer, this is a major let down.
Every single female idol, whether tall or short, weighs by at least 50 more pounds less than me. So what am I, but a fat pig?
And yeah, okay, I’m okay with me calling me fat, and others too, cause its the truth. But I hate how it changes how one is treated.
Sorry for bringing this up again, but Shindong, he really killed me. I don’t like him, nor to I hate him. He’s neutral, but he really killed me when he said how he didn’t like fat girls, or how lazy they were, and how girls should all be skinny cause they are girls.
TBH, I really hate him now, every gut of him. Because first of all, he was at no situation to say that, but not only that, but because he was pinpointing that ALL overweight girls are lazy bums who don’t care of themselves.
But honestly, I TRY. I TRY. And I fail. I exercise to the point that I just give up on everything because nothing is going right. I lost 8 pounds this year. But no one seems to notice it, or care.
And I’m not saying that KPOP is horrible, but it just changes someones perspective that there are people who won’t accept overweight people, just…because they are overweight.
I mean, just because I’m fat doesn’t change anything but my appearance. it doesn’t make me any nicer or mean. if it does, then it makes one lose faith, and want to die.
This is a secret because I’m revealing that I actually attempted to kill myself so many times. I wanted to die. SO MANY TIMES. I even went far to write down a letter to all the special people in my life before I died—which settled down just to my parents.
For all the idols who brought up about overweight girls, I just want to tell them that,
You don’t know what they’re going through. They are trying, they are trying really hard, but sometimes nothing is fair. And really, you’re a shallow person if you judge someone by their weight. I can take care of myself, it just takes beyond my ideal effort and time.
Overweight people are humans too. They have feelings too. And really, they secretly hate you stick skinny people too.
I’m 14. I hate this society.
I hate how KPOP is all based on weight.
"Ew, she’s fat." or "Ugh, she’s ugly!"
Weight is a bigger concern for girls than boys, and it just kills me, kills every bit of me.