The guy that wrote the r2pi thing.

I love AJ from U-KISS. I honestly do. Ugh, yes, it might all be fake, the way he is, maybe he just acts like this really chill guy but really is a jerk irl. I saw an unscripted interview he was in, and…. I don’t think so. Anyway.

I don’t love him the way you might think I do. No, I don’t want to marry my oppar and have tiny sqiushy half-white babies with him. I love him the way I imagine I would have loved an older brother, if I had one. I used to suffer from an eating disorder and depression. I still have my weak days, where I just… I just want to die, basically. When I feel completely worthless. When I feel so disgustingly fat, I can hardly take it.

But in the back of my mind, I think “AJ wouldn’t want me to starve myself. AJ would want me to be healthy. AJ loves me and wants me to live my life, not waste away.” And I get motivation enough to make it through. The thought of AJ loving me, his fan, and not wanting me to be hurt, and supporting, and his awesome rapping and personality and music, is extremely soothing. 

I want to thank AJ for all the times I wanted to hurt myself, but didn’t. Because of him. I feel motivated and warmer every day knowing that I will keep living, and doing what I love, and staying strong through everything. Because of Kim Jae Seop, I now know I am going to survive.

Hypotenuse, everyone. 

sb!: I don’t want my friend who follows my tumblr to know I’m still having a hard time dealing with stuff.

sb!2: It would seem like I rely too much on a Korean idol who I don’t even know and am obsessed with him.