I’m Feeling So Lonely

I don’t know if I should share this or not… I just wanna write my feelings since I have no one to talk to.

I got into KPOP in 2008, my first fandom was ELF. Eventhough I like Suju, but Sungmin was the only one I loved. I didn’t even know much about Suju or Sungmin…

Then I watched Dream Team and got to know Junho, now I’m a Hottest and will always be a Hottest. I feel like I know every single thing about 2PM especially Junho.

Now I feel like I won’t be able to get over KPOP, I’m too into it, it’s so hard for me to get out from the deepest part of KPOP.

Honestly, I always feel lonely, because I have no one to talk to, my mom don’t care so much about me being a fangirl, she’ll just ignore me if I tell her something about KPOP. I have some friends who are also kpoppers, but we don’t go to the same school. My school friends always say that KPOP is trash, they’re wondering why do I like KPOP. They always ask that to me. They tease KPOP and etc etc… I’m so used to it now, if they’re starting to tease KPOP, I’ll just stay calm and ignore them, but still, it hurts a little…

Today, I just had a dinner with my big family. I got so quiet. They were talking about gossip girl, glee, vampire diaries, JB’s concert and other western things. I don’t know anything about them. My cousins are all non-kpoppers… So, I never had a topic to talk to them. 

I often stay at home alone. At this time, fangirling is the only thing I can do. It cures my loneliness… It makes me confused, whether KPOP makes me lonely or does it cure my loneliness? I’ve ever think to try getting over KPOP and finding out some more infos about western things… But I just can’t… I’ve fallen to deep for KPOP. It makes me feel stupid, lonely and sometimes unwanted :(

s!b: I’ve never tell my feelings to anybody even to my best friends. I’m the type of person who save her feeling for herself.

s!b: sorry for the poor grammar:( english is not my first language.