I’m a hardcore fan. Mostly I’m a shawol, and also an ELF, and a b2ty. I go to concerts, buying the most expensive seats (no, I’m not rich). Buying their cds and dvds. And recently I became an EXO fan.

I keep having this feeling that I’m becoming less and less interested to Super Junior and Beast. I don’t watch their new MVs and read news about them. I actually want to unfollow them on twitter now.

But I feel bad, I don’t know why but I do. It’s like if I leave the two fandoms (Suju and B2st) for a new fandom (EXO), it will be something like a betrayal to the fandom and to my friends from those fandoms.

s!b: almost everyone I follow and talk to in twitter is either a shawol, b2ty or an ELF. The’re my friends online and some in real life. I don’t want to loose them just because I chose EXO over Suju or Beast.

s!b: It’s really shallow to think like this and to ponder this over.     

THIS SECRET MIGHT NOT BE SUITABLE FOR MINORS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

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i feel creeped out

Ive been watching the apprentice (British version) and I can’t help but see Hyunseung in one of the contestents. I would put up the picture of her but I’m not sure if I am allowed to. But if you’re curious, go on the bbc apprentice site and list the contestents you will see her, and you will definetly know which one I am talking about (the contestent named Jenna). I feel really creeped out by how much they look alike. Everytime I see her on the show in my mind I am screaming Hyunseung. I’m starting to think that they are distant family members. Or maybe she really is Hyunseung.

s!b: butthurt b2uties will get me (some people get butthurt over anything)

My Yoseob Dream

Ever since i had a romantic almost wet dream with Yoseob I really can’t look or hear his voice anymore. I woke up just in time before ‘’the real work’’ started and I am so glad about it. I had romantic/wet dream with other idols before, but those dreams I really liked. I also think that if it was someone else I would have liked it. Waking up and still knowing exactly what happened in the dream was like a nightmare. Even after a few days I still can remember the dream. When I look at picture of him I become teary. I’ve never expected this reaction from myself because I’m a B2utie and Yoseob the reason was why I really started to like BEAST. I think he is really cute but he is not my bias. Doojoon is my bias and I feel that I betrayed him. I want to forget this dream ASAP and listen happily to BEAST songs again.

Sometimes I just want to bite Dongjun’s underwear. There was this picture where he had leopard print underwear, and right then I started to undress and masturbate.

s!b: I sound really really pathetic

Dreams

I had a dream a few nights ago that I was a plastic surgeon and Dongwoo came in crying to me saying that he wanted me to give him tits and… other girl-bits so that he could have Myungsoo’s baby because he wanted to have a baby as beautiful as Myungsoo and as talented as him.

Then the conversation (because apparently I was fine with this O_O) went on to how big his tits were going to be (he decided on C’s because suddenly having DD’s would hurt his back?) and if he was still going to retain his… boy bits… HOW DOES THAT WORK

He left after that because I had another appointment, and Kikwang came in telling me that the womb I had given him wasn’t working because he wanted to have twins- each with the genes of each husband (Junhyung and Doojoon) but they kept being twins of the same gene parent…

Then I woke up screaming.

That was then I realised that I seriously should stop my kpop addiction…

s!b: This is fucking weird and I am so embarrassed for me and my sub conscience.

s!b2: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

Yoseob and Myungsoo

this really has been bothering me. 

i am diehard b2uty. i know how to dance all their songs, sing all their songs and collected both albums and dvds. so, yoseob has been my bias since i joined the b2uty fandom and i swear, you have no idea how much i love this man! i went from reading romance fics to smut fics(im not a pervert :P), tweeting him goodmorning&goodnight etc. 

i knew infinite a while ago but im not those people who would legit go find out their real names, birthdays; i only knew their stage names. so i kinda ignored them. then at a b2st fic i was reading at LJ, infinite made an appearance. Myungsoo was very helpful in the fic and he saved Hyunseung and Kikwang when they were in the bathroom escaping from the guards. 

so from that fic, it lead me to reading infinite fics. i’ve told this to myself; if you’re not part of their fandom, you’re not allowed to read any smut fics. cause i feel its going overboard. but i broke that rule. ive been reading a lot of myungsoo smut fics and fics that consist of infinite and no beast.

it feels like i kinda threw beast away. everytime i see a beast post on my dash, i would like it. but whenever its a myungsoo or infinite post, i freak out and automaticallly reblog the post. i think i disgraced the fandom. im a horrible b2uty. and the fact that i dont wannnna telll my friend this bcoz she is a hardcore b2uty and inspirit and both love my biases; which is seob and myung. 

and im still questioning myself whether or not i shouould join the inspirit fandom.

s!b im no a inspirit. i thought dongwoo had ugly teeeth, hoya had a very evil smile, woohyun is trying, sunggyyu .. was there, sungyeol probabbly dont have lines to sing and sungjong was gay. the only one who caught my eye was myungsoo. 

s!b2 if any inspirit read what i listed up there ^, im gonna get shot 

s!b3 but i dont think it that way anymore. i used to, when i saw them at a glance. i know i shouldnt be judgging. dont bash me inspirits.

s!b4 my friend will also shoot me if i tell her i love both her biases. i have to fake everything and tell her i love woohyun and dujun. 

I think Yoseob and Suzy …

Okay! To start it of.. IM NOT A YO-ZY Shipper!!

But I cant help myself to stop thinking that there’s something special between them. Hey!! Im not saying that they’re couple or whatever.. I just think they hide something.. I really dont know either!!

SO HERE’S WHY!!!!!!!

I THINK THEY WANT TO PRETEND THAT THEY’RE NOT CLOSE SO THEY DO NOT SHOW IT!!!!

IM PRETTY SURE THEY HAVE EACH OTHER NUMBERS… BECAUSE WHEN THEY WERE ASKED IF THEY EXCHANGE NUMBERS .. Yoseob slightly nodded while saying.. “WE’RE FRIENDS”… So that means they do really have each other numbers because if not what’s wrong with “NO WE DONT HAVE” right?!!

NEXT is THE TWITTER THING : IF YOU’LL SEE THEIR TWITTER FOLLOWING LISTS .. YOU’LL NOTICE THAT AFTER YOSEOB FOLLOWED HIS CO-BEASTS and So Hyun from 4minute which is also from their agency and a close friend of Suzy, AND ONE RELATIVE the next one he followed is SUZY!! And also to Suzy.. its very obvious that she only follows those who are she’s close with and also JYP Nation… she then followed Yoseob. 

ANOTHER is… when Yoseob is talking about their song not being in the top 10. suddenly Dongwoon opens up that Suzy’s song was at the top 10. I mean how come he’ll open up about that without nothing and thats top 10 why only talk about Suzy’s song… you get what i mean? i hope yeahh!. . 

Next is on MNET 2011… I dont know if its only me or Yoseob acted differently when Hyun Joong asked Suzy to be up on stage and dance with him…

I have another things in mind but I cant express them…

But sometimes I also think maybe Im thinking the wrong thing because of their age … idk. also i think sometimes Yoseob really likes IU . I love Suzy but I actually dont like Yoseob for her.. I mean i think she’s too pretty for him. 

S!b: Others will call me pathetic and they may hate me for this.. I dont want that…

s!b2: Yoseob fans will curse me!!!

Jealousy

I am never jealous of any female idol for their features, even though I am female.

I am jealous of EXO’s Baekhyun and B2ST’s Hyunseung for their eyes. They have the prettiest eyes I have ever seen.

I am jealous of SHINee’s Taemin and B1A4’s Jinyoung because they are just so beautiful. Especially Taemin with his long hair like in ‘Lucifer’.

I don’t know why I can’t be jealous of a female idol. I just can’t be. Maybe because I am not a fan of any girl group. But I feel really awkward out-of-place when people rant about how they wish to be insert-name-of-female-idol-here or when they complain about how pretty insert-name-of-female-idol-here is.

s!b: My Followers will think I am weird.

s!b2: My mother and father don’t know about this and I’m extremely scared about it because they always say I should ‘act’ like a girl. Meaning that I should be jealous of girls only…? I don’t know.